Autistic Disdain

It comes as little surprise, as the companies are known for their dueling ad campaigns. Last year alone saw the rise of the "There's A Map For that" commercials wherein Verizon implied that AT&T's 3G network wasn't up to snuff. After a brief lawsuit failed, AT&T came up with several retaliatory ad campaign ideas including "Verizon Is A Big Red Poo-Poo Head", "Verizon Kills Kittens", "Verizon Is Owned By the KKK", and ultimately the most offensive campaign is the one they decided to launch: "Screw It, Let's Just Put Luke Wilson On The Air And Let Him Talk About Verizon."

Verizon then responded with their current slew of Droid commercials. They spent in the area of 100 million dollars to let everyone know they think the iPhone, AT&T's flagship product, is a girly product with a stupid face and an ugly dress and braces. Verizon is reported to have an unaired television spot wherein they drew big, thick glasses and blacked out teeth on the iPhone's high school yearbook photo.

Now, though, they've pulled out all the stops. Verizon, continuing under the misguided belief that "There's no such thing as bad publicity" has decided to block 4chan.org from their internet users. 4chan is of course the purveyor of all things terrible. One of the number one rules of 4chan: what has been seen cannot be unseen. You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. It is also one of the most well-defended sites of citizens of the internet.

The feud is expected to escalate quickly. Likely beginning with lolcat email bombs to Verizon representatives (this is 4chan's equivalent of a warning shot). If Verizon does not address the issue, 4chan is expected to launch a full-scale attack using goatse, tubgirl, lemonparty, and any number of other terrible images sent straight to the families of Verizon executives. (WARNING to the reader: If you do not recognize any of the words in the previous sentence, I strongly advise you, DO NOT Google it. You will regret it. You've been warned.)

Further manuevers may include DDoS attacks on Verizon's homepages, or possibly the launch of their own personal nuclear bombs. Every leading member of anonymous possesses a nuclear warhead to be used in the event that any of them ever cross paths with Tom Cruise.

Naturally, Verizon can spin this a few ways. One possible campaign is "Verizon takes care to protect their internet users from dangerous sites and predators online." Another possible spin on this campaign is "Anything AT&T Can Do, We Can Do Better". Or possibly "Hey, Hey! Look What I'm Doing! Look At Me! I'm Making A Messssss! You Better Start Paying Attention To Me! Come On, Look At Me!"

Of course, as the big boys play their games, the real losers are the users in the trenches. Said one member of the /b/ imageboard:

Another user replied saying:

[via Gizmodo]

There's apparently some rocky roads in the lives of one Verizon marketing director and her son. With Mother's Day fast approaching (only 93 more days, kids!), Verizon Wireless's chief of mobile handset marketing has started using her power to drop hints to her son about what she'd like to receive.

Previously known for her touching Droid commercials which resonated so deeply with males age 18-35 (being such a totally hip mom, she knows what the kids like), the head madam has released two new passive aggressive commercials for the Palm Pre Plus (try saying that three times fast).

The first, entitled "Sticky Notes" is a subtle pass at the all the director has done for her dear boy. She took him to piano lessons across town every week for 5 years (until he gave it up because he wouldn't apply himself) to the pot roasts she made every night (which he never finished and she had to throw most of it out). The "girls' night out" was, of course, a fantasy as she was never allowed any time to herself. But she was always happy to give her time to her children. Because that's what family does, isn't it? Give to each other.

At least, that's what a good family should do. Some people just don't know how to be a good family member, I guess.

The second of the two spots of course highlighted her son's previous attempt at Mother's Day gifts.

Chocolates are, of course, a very thoughtful gift. And don't get her wrong, it's not that she doesn't appreciate them. It's simply...well, her son is fairly well off now. He has a good career, a nice apartment. And you know, he always seems to have some extra spare cash to spend on his coworkers, or to buy some new add on for his car. Is it really too much to ask for him to spend a little on his dear, sweet mother? I mean, it's not like he doesn't have enough time to save up some spare change between now and Mother's Day.

Also, son, when you get it, please program your number in so she can get a hold of you. Since you never call.