Pixel Zombies: I Take Back Everything I Said, Stick With the iPhone

Posted by OCEntertainment | Posted in , , | Posted on 6:02 PM

Oh, what's that? You're surprised? After all my Android talk. After positively drooling over the Evo, why would I tell you to stick with the iPhone? One word: Zombies.

I thought that Android's open market was a welcome reprieve from Apple's walled garden of the App Store. With no rules on content and minimal technical restrictions, it ought to be a utopia of innovation, right? Wrong. What you're seeing to your left is a screen grab of a live wallpaper (introduced in Android 2.1, currently available for most major Android handsets) demonstrating a zombie invasion. Red dots represent zombies, green dots represent civilians, and blue dots represent zombie hunters. Madness!

I've learned my lesson. I thought that I wanted openness. But now, my home screen has become invaded by starving-mad meat sacks feasting on the flesh of mortals. Now I have to fear that handing my phone to a friend or family member may get them bit and turn them into a seething, bleeding, ravenous monster.

Now I hear what you're saying at this point. "Well, gee golly gosh, Mr. Disdain. That sure sounds like an awful lot of trouble to get into. I sure don't wanna go gettin' Ma or Pop bit with my telephone device." To which I will respond with a.) what the heck is Theodore Cleaver doing shopping for a smartphone? But more importantly: I'm just getting started.

If you drop an icon on to your home screen, this acts as a nuclear bomb. That's right. A nuclear bomb. Governments all over the world are attempting to limit the use of such weapons of terrifying power, and Google, per their custom, wants to give that kind of power to the average user. For free*. No sir. Not me. I do not accept the responsibility!

Unfortunately, I've already pre-ordered my Evo, so I have no choice but to receive my 2.1 Android device that contains a security hole so big, you could drive a zombie invasion through it.

*-- Well, technically, the wallpaper is $1 in the Market. And technically Google didn't make the zombie app. Though supporting the nuclear weapons API in the OS was a hugely irresponsible move on their part so they are just as much to blame.

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