Blackberry Releases Confusing Ad For 6.0

Posted by OCEntertainment | Posted in , , | Posted on 8:58 AM

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Blackberry is currently still sitting at the top of their field right now, with more mobile users than any other platform, including the iPhone. Yes, seriously. But any business owner could tell you, stagnation leads to ruin. And while Blackberry has the most users now, (and in fact, they're showing more increase than Apple in recent months), they need to stay competitive if they want to keep ahead of the game. But how do you get new users when you're already entrenched in the business space, but don't appeal in the slightest to average consumers?

People in suits dancing, of course!

I'm honestly not sure what I'm supposed to make of this ad. For the first minute, we see a woman who is very professionally dressed dancing around while using her holographic* Blackberry. Though I honestly can't tell if she's a successful businesswoman, or just dressed nicely while she works her retail job at a store in the mall.

Then BusinessMan Dan shows up. And he seems to be genuinely concerned about the positioning of his cufflinks. He fiddles with his tie, cufflinks, or wristwatch no fewer than five times. So if you're a vain, obsessive-compulsive business type, this phone might be for you. But then, you knew that already, didn't you? Well shoot. Who is this ad targeting then?

Then the high schooler shows up.

This high school kid, who appears to have a full-beard mind you, dances around in front of a set of lockers. Because, you know, that's what high school kids do these days, I guess. He clearly enjoys all of his Facebooks and Twitters as he dances about. This further solidifies the already concrete media perception that a.) social networks are only for kids, and 2.) that adults (like BusinessMan Dan) should do things kids like. Like use Blackberries. Or something.

Anyways, I guess the whole point here is, if you're a successful business type, or a kid who's been held back one too many times, or an ambiguous sexy lady, then Blackberries are for you. They can do everything you want from a phone! Provided everything you want from a phone is email, Twitters, and now....music.

*-- Note: Blackberry not actually holographic. Because that would be seriously killer.

Giz Finds iPhone, Giz Gets Raided, I Just Want My Evo

Posted by OCEntertainment | Posted in , , , | Posted on 2:52 PM

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A while back, Giz outed Apple's new ice cream sandwich iPhone. That was pretty cool. It has a front-facing camera.

Just like my Evo.

Then they were talking about Gray Powell or something. Apparently this guy lost the phone I guess.

I wouldn't lose my Evo.

Then there was something about "did Giz steal the phone"? I guess buying stuff that doesn't belong to someone can get you in some legal trouble.

That's ok. I'll buy my Evo fair and square.

And now there's something about one of the Giz editors getting raided. And now everyone has a legal opinion or some such. Some folks are totally shocked by this.

I'm totally shocked by the Evo.

4G data. WiFi sharing. 720p output. Android 2.1 and all that entails. The Sense UI.

Sorry dudes. I could hardly care less. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got some drooling over Evo pictures to do.

Screw the Iphone... The Story we Should be focusing on; Is Steve Jobs among us?

Posted by Jasmine | Posted on 11:32 AM

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Currently there is some outrage over this week's photoshop contest; "Help Steve Jobs Strike Back". Apparently this is a way of admitting guilt? Or something... But the real thing we should be worrying about is that doesn't it seem suspicious that Frucci would go out of his way to help SJobs out? I'm sure this week has been a stressful one for him, and his creativity is probably a little burnt out. Having people pour in suggestions on the best way to retaliate is exactly what he needs. But how did he acomplish this? Simple. Mind control on Frucci; one of the least likely suspects. If it was Jesus Diaz, we all would have caught on ages ago, but Frucci mainly provides us with Lul'z... ensuring that he slips under the radar when it comes to the deep stuff. We all need to be on guard in these coming days and weeks, who knows what will happen when SJobs reveals himself...

Possible New iPhone Evokes Strong Imagery

Posted by OCEntertainment | Posted on 11:45 AM

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So, today the big hubbub is that Gizmodo managed to get their hands on what is very likely to be the next iPhone. And I admit, I like it. The design actually doesn't look too bad. At first I thought this was due to the fact that it reminded me just a little of some HTC phones with solid angles, sharper edges, etc. But no.

It didn't hit me until a few hours after I saw it why this iPhone's design struck such an emotional chord with me. Was it the functionalist, industrial masculinity, expressed perfectly through glass and metal and unapologetic angles, in a powerful phone that's remarkably streamlined? It's all of that, yes. But it's also the fact that aesthetic is rendered black with a light-colored midsection, which is why it taps into something deep and profoundly affective from my childhood:



It's practically cheating. I can't not love the design of this phone.

Now, if you're not like me and, let's face it, that would probably be good for your health, you may not realize that the preceding paragraphs are a direct parody of matt buchanan's impressions of the Droid's design when, during his review, matt discovered the Droid is the phone Batman would use.

Which leaves us only one, very important question:

Who would win in a fight? Batman, or an ice cream sandwich?

I Hate This Friggin' Sandwich

Posted by OCEntertainment | Posted in , , , | Posted on 6:30 PM

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I am a man of few, yet very specialized accomplishments. I once fashioned a waterproof canister out of a flashlight casing for my video camera before going white-water rafting. I can do that thing where you roll a quarter over your knuckles. I can solve a 5x5x5 Rubik's cube. And I, along with two other skilled cart pushers once pushed 102 shopping carts at once. Blocked a lot of traffic that day. Yet I am defeated by this sandwich.

First, let me introduce you to the KFC Mother Flippin' Heart Attack In A Box. Otherwise known as the KFC Double Down. And no, it's not missing the bun. That slab of fried chicken? That is the bun.

Recently, the head experimental chef for Kentucky Fried Chicken was out walking in the woods when suddenly a wormhole appeared from nowhere and sucked in both the chef and the chicken sandwich he was carrying. When he came out on the other side, The buns had become fried chicken, the fried chicken had become a couple strips of bacon and a slice of cheese, and the chef had become a bowl of spaghetti with spicy meatballs and vomit sauce. Surprisingly, they both tasted roughly the same.

For reasons I cannot possibly even fathom, this sandwich has been making it's way around the tech sphere which is why it ended up here of all bloody places. When challenged by some person on the internet to eat not one, not two, but three of these horrible monstrosities, I had no choice but to accept. Or maybe I'm just an idiot. Not really sure. Still can't think straight. My brain is swimming in salt and grease.

I am actually proud to say, I only made it through one and a half of the three of these boxes of salt and grease that I brought home. Honestly, the first one wasn't that bad. I had originally called many of my online cohorts pansies for becoming squeamish after just one. Friends, I recant my statement.

Pause for even a moment, and the salt flavor begins to marinate your tongue. When I took the first bite of the second sandwich, it was a gag fest. The cheese, by this point, was little more than a flimsy piece of weak rubber filled to the brim with salt and grease. I was hungry enough to continue eating. I was not stupid enough to do so.

I thought I was up to the challenge. I thought I could handle it. But no. No, I can not. And I'm actually glad I failed, to live another day.

I'm not the healthiest eater around, but I'm better than this. Lord forgive me, I repent.

For iPhone 4.0, Apple Mixes It Up, Copies Everyone Including Themselves

Posted by OCEntertainment | Posted on 1:11 PM

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The iPhone 4.0 OS was revealed today. Soon the iPhone 3GS as well as whatever new iPhone comes out this year will be able to take part in Steve Jobs' grand vision for all the new, revolutionary, totally never-seen-before features of the iPhone 4.0 software. What completely unbelievable, probably patented features can you look forward to? Well, let's take a look at them one-by-one and see which companies retroactively copied Apple.

-- Multitasking
What it is: It's finally here. Probably the single most-requested feature and most criticized flaw of the iPhone OS. Apple is finally giving you multitasking. Sort of. I mean, they're going to let certain things run in the background. Seven things in fact. Like audio. Or local notifications. Whatever the heck that means. Of course, one might ask, "Well isn't this kind of a gimped multitasking?" Well, I can't think of anything else you might need background processes for. And obviously, if you or I can't think of it, then no one on the entire planet will ever come up with an idea for something outside these seven categories. This makeshift, jury rig of a repair job on a usually-single-tasking system is obviously perfect.

Where it comes from: Android and WebOS (Palm), obviously. Both of these platforms have multitasking built in. Palm has the prettiest interface with their card-like window manager. Android has a workable-but-not-quite-gorgeous solution with an alt-tab like app switcher. Apple picked the uglier of the two to rip off. For some reason.

-- Folders

What it is: For the past three years, Apple has operated under the assumption that, despite having over 150,000 apps to download from, you would never ever need to organize your homescreen. Because you see, the iPhone isn't for the nerds. It's for the average user. And the average user has a metric crap ton of icons just scattered all over their desktop in a sleek, intuitive way. But you nerds wouldn't shut up. So now you get folders. You can create a folder, which looks like a regular icon. Except you can put other icons inside it. So you can sort of organize your icons. Instead of having a pile of app icons, you can have a pile of folders. Besides, there's nothing users like more than having to organize their desktop every time they download an app.

Where it's from: Every computer you've owned since the 1980s.

-- Unified Inbox

What it is: If you have ten billion email accounts like I do, chances are you don't want to check all of them individually. Unless you're a sadist. Are you a sadist? May I interest you in Windows Mobile, then? Anyways, back on track. Yes, the iPhone is now capable of merging all your email into one inbox. So....cool huh?

Where it's from: Blackberries, the Palm's WebOS, Android (2.0 and up). Pretty much every smartphone that was capable of figuring out people might not like different apps for each individual email account.

-- iBooks

What it is: Now, finally, the iPhone has the ability to read ebooks. Nevermind that it's been capable of reading ebooks since the kindle app. Or that some apps are nothing but individual ebooks. This is totally different. Because these books? They're from iTunes. Which, as you know, only comes with awesome. Except for when iTunes sucks. Like on Windows.

Where it's from: This one's my favorite. In addition to copying Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and all the other publishers of ebooks and ebook readers, Apple is also copying themselves with this one. Not only has the iPhone been able to read ebooks, but the iPad came with iBooks built in. though the iPad will also be getting this upgrade in the fall. So the iPad will be upgrading to get iBooks support when, before, they only had iBooks support. Gah, I love this friggin' upgrade.

-- Custom Wallpapers

What it is: You heard me.

Where it's from: The early-to-mid 90s, I think?

-- Game Center

What it is: An online meeting center for gamers. Similar to Xbox Live. In all seriousness, this sounds pretty cool. The iPhone/iPod Touch have been great for games and an online meeting place, point system...um....whatever you gamers use Xbox Live for, heck I honestly don't really know. It sounds great.

Where it's from: Xbox Live and/or PlayStation Home, of course. But if you think "well, it's the first time one a phone", think again. While it's not out to the market yet, and yes Apple will be the first to put it in consumers hands on a phone, Microsoft already announced Xbox Live integration for Windows Phone Super Mega 7 Ultra Power Windows Phone 7, which is due to launch by the end of this year.

-- iAds

What it is: It's advertising. It's ads inside your phone. While certain other app markets prefer to let developers find their own in-app advertising solutions (even if they're owned by the same company). But Apple wants to bring the kind of ease and integration to your mobile advertising experience that you've come to expect from their products. With the iPhone 4.0 upgrade, you can expect to see in-app ads on free apps, paid apps, ridiculously over-priced apps....all kinds of apps! Because Apple knows, above all else, that what you, as a consumer, can never get enough of, it's ADS. And it's certainly not to get back at Google over something petty*.

Where it's from: The most obvious comparison is to Admob. Though it's hard to say that Apple is copying them in this regard. While the company is now owned by Google, Admob provides ads to Android phones and iPhones alike. But what the hey? We don't want to spoil a perfect score over a technicality do we?

INNOVATION!!!1ONE

So there you have it. Another year of Apple playing catch up. Admittedly, they did better this year than they did last when they only added MMS and copy and paste and a friggin' compass. But all in all, Apple's done it again. Revolutionizing the world by bringing their products up to par with all the "inferior" products that have had their "new" features for years.

*-- Unless you count this little tidbit as petty: "We tried to buy a company called admob, and Google came in and snatched them from us." -- Steve Jobs during the Q&A session.

My, How Times Have Changed: iPad 1984

Posted by jc | Posted in , | Posted on 10:02 PM

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What Not to Wear: Steve Jobs Edition

Posted by jc | Posted in | Posted on 10:13 AM

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Stacy and Clinton see Steve in Public.

Read more »

Some Morons Waste $500 So You Don't Have To

Posted by OCEntertainment | Posted on 1:48 AM

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The price of an iPad is anywhere between $500 and $830. For the same amount of money, you could pay for a quarter's worth of tuition at the community college that I went to for video production, where I learned, among other things, that when you are the camera person for a documentary video you're supposed to point the friggin camera at the friggin' action!

Then again, judging by what they did to what they actually spent their $500 on, maybe I'm glad they didn't go to my college. Last thing we need is a dude coming into the studio with a baseball bat smashing cameras, hitting people, and laughing as if nothing nothing he's doing is wrong. As if its all just a game, completely oblivious to the pain and suffering of those cowering, horrified, in the corner...

....again.

Word of The Day 4/03/10

Posted by Anonymous | Posted on 10:16 PM

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Word Of The Day is a new daily feature for Autistic Disdain by modestmouse, highlighting tech-related terms you may or may not have heard of before.

Todays word: Appled |ap-pulled| verb

Definition: Appled similar to Appalled is to be figuratively (and sometimes literally) smothered or crushed by an onslaught of coverage for an Apple product, namely the iPad or iPhone.

Apple products are laced with an extremely potent pheromone that causes technology bloggers to become insatiably aroused. The techno-blogger then courts his or her new iDevice with an intricate and highly ritualized reviewal process, which can often be taboo or disgusting to uninitiated commenters.

This fairly well documented love affair has reached a fever pitch with the release of Apple's new tablet, the iPad. This has lead a large segment of Gizmodo's (a serious technology blog) reader base to become entranced through a process known as imitation or monkey see monkey do.

The other half of Gizmodo's reader base has become outcasts, living on the edge of the internet and foraging for tech news unrelated to Apple. With time it is hoped that things may return to normal, and everyone may once again live in perfect harmony. Until the next iProduct comes out that is.

Example: "Some people on the internet have been Appled almost to the brink of insanity."

If you have any comments, questions, or critiques; please reply with them below.

Apple Store Employee: "You don't need an iPad."

Posted by OCEntertainment | Posted on 12:22 PM

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Happy iPad day, everyone. Yep, it's finally here. The flippin' iPad. The salvation you've been waiting for. The revolution in computing that's going to bring all the computational tools of computing to the masses that are unable to compute using their computers.

But there's one question that any gadget maker needs to answer to the consumer: "Why should I buy this?" The iPad is no exception.

Now, normally I prefer to be sarcastic, ironic, or sardonic on this blog. But I want to clarify before I continue: the following story is one hundred percent true.

Today, on iPad Opening Day, I drove down to my local Apple Store to check out this magical, unbelievab-CRAP! See? I've been listening to the hype so much that I'm even quoting the advertising copy to describe it. That's it. After listening to the promos and arguments and blah blah blah...I need some clarity. So I walked up to the first Apple employee I saw that looked like he knew what he was talking about and said this:

Me: "I have $1000 to lay down on whatever model [of iPad] you've got*, if you can convince me to buy one..."
Employee: "Ok"
Me: "....without using the words 'magical', 'revolutionary', or 'it will change the way you blank'."

This gave the guy pause for a moment. Which was amusing to me. Then again, I like watching people squirm. But it was the next bit of the conversation that surprised me the most. After all the arguments, all the future predictions, after all the religious loyalty and endless bickering I've been a part of online, this was possibly the most frank assessment of the iPad, and it came from a trained Apple employee:

Me: "Alright, I have a laptop and a desktop. What do I need this for?"
Employee: "There is not necessarily a need. What I would say is that there is a lot of enjoyment in using it."

So there it is. Right there in black and white from a ground-floor, front-lines Apple representative. If you have a laptop, a desktop, or both, you do not need an iPad.

You can call it just the opinion of some grunt-level employee. But you know what? This guy knew his stuff. As a cynic who is just tired of the iPad coverage, I find it funny. But he's right. The iPad does not add any utility to the gadgets you already have. Note, I didn't even mention I have a smartphone. From this guy's perspective it's not a replacement or an improvement on any of the others. It's just a nice gadget. It's something cool to have.

He didn't tell me it was going to change computing forever. He didn't tell me it's a piece of crap for not having Flash. He said that it's fun to play games on it. That there's some apps that make watching media cool. I mean, I can do it on a laptop, but an iPad is also pretty cool.

I don't know about you, but I like this guy. To everyone besides him on the entire stinking planet: you're doing it wrong.

R.I.P Windows Phone 7 "Series" Jokes (2010-2010)

Posted by OCEntertainment | Posted in , , , | Posted on 11:17 AM

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Dearly beloved. We're gathered here today to mourn the passing of one of my most beloved Windows Phone 7 jokes. Gizmodo reports that as of now, Windows Mobile Gadget Phone 7 Super Series Sunny Happy Fun Time Extravaganza will now be known only as Windows Phone 7.

As previously reported, Microsoft released one of the most hilariously- and obnoxiously-named products since Warner Music Group signed the band The Most Absolutely Amazing And Incredibly Delicious Brand Of Off The Shelf Antacid Tablets You've Ever Tasted. The birth of Windows Phone 7 Series, though not a very popular name, brought much joy to this blogger. As a comedy writer, I love it when companies simply hand me products ripe for the teasing.

But alas, Windows Phone 7 Point Oh Major Great Stuff Series lived only a short life. One can only wonder, what kind of cruel world it is where jokes about Windows Phone's unnecessarily long, ridiculous name die young, while jokes about how the iPad sounds like it could be a brand of feminine hygiene products will continue to live long, healthy, successful lives.

Though you were with us only a short time, we will always love and cherish you, Microsoft Windows Phone Software Operating System Times 7 Extra Large Double Stuf Next Gen Fantastic Plus DX Mega Titanus Series With A Side Of Fries And A Kiss Good Night.

I'm an iPad Atheist

Posted by OCEntertainment | Posted in , , , | Posted on 10:00 AM

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Dear readers. I have a confession to make. It's not easy for me to say. Given where I've grown up, there has been a lot of pressure to believe certain things. And for a while, I played along because I wanted to fit in. But when I step back, and I'm honest with myself, I can't ignore the truth. I may alienate many of my friends and colleagues, but I'm afraid I can't deny the truth anymore:

I don't believe in the iPad.

I've heard all the arguments. That it's going to change my life. That, if I let the iPad into my heart, and trust that the iPad developers will provide, then all my computing needs and desires will be fulfilled. But there's simply too much room for doubt.

Where were the developers when I needed a decent video editor in college? How could a loving and benevolent company allow me to have a device that crashes, or can't handle dropped frames? And what about all those people running G4s? After Snow Leopard, they have nowhere to go. Where is the help for them?

I want to believe. I do. I dream of a world where I can edit and organize my photos, movies, and music easily. Where I can write and read and create with ease and no frustrations.

But I'm afraid the church of Apple has let me down. I know it's been said that I shouldn't let the failings of the church be associated with Apple itself. But I just don't know. I was promised, when I got my first Macbook Pro, that I would never need anything else. But so many of my needs have gone unfulfilled. I need more from life than what iMovie can give me.

And the iPad is just another disappointment. I've been warned against the harlot, Flash. How she will entice me with her honey and fine wines. But in the end, they say, I will fall to ruin. I do not see it, though. I've seen many users live happy, successful lives watching Flash videos.

So, I'm sorry, to all my friends I've made in the Church of Apple. I want you to know, you are still dear friends to me. But I simply don't believe any more.

As it is written, "You have been weighed on the scales and found wanting."

....Wait, maybe that's from a different religion.

LEAVE THE IPAD ALONE!!!!

Posted by jc | Posted in | Posted on 5:16 PM

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Audiophilia: Why Metallica's Death Magnetic Sounds Better in Guitar Hero

Posted by jc | Posted in , | Posted on 1:22 PM

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Back in 2008 Wired reported that Metallica's own CD recordings are crap compared to Guitar Hero. Since that time audiophiles have noticed that this seems to be true in quite a few recordings, not just for the 'the louder the better' artists. Gamasutra tells us why.

(It's not because you used a female game character with nice tits.) (Although that seems to help.) (However, it is admittedly weird when a chick on the screen bangs like Hetfield.) (By bang I mean play guitar vigorously.)

[MeFi]

iPad Stupidity Reaches a Crescendo

Posted by jc | Posted in , | Posted on 11:43 AM

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This says it all. Ok, not quite all.

Read more »

Google Changes Its Name: 'Topeka'

Posted by jc | Posted in , | Posted on 12:46 AM

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Google, you've pulled some great April Fools' jokes over the years. This one is cute, but meh.
Early last month the mayor of Topeka, Kansas stunned the world by announcing that his city was changing its name to Google. We’ve been wondering ever since how best to honor that moving gesture. Today we are pleased to announce that as of 1AM (Central Daylight Time) April 1st, Google has officially changed our name to Topeka.
Nice try, Google Topeka. I liked it better when you Rickrolled everyone with a fake video tour.

[Google Blog]

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