Verizon Spat With AT&T Escalates: "We Can Block 4Chan, Too!"

Posted by OCEntertainment | Posted in , , , | Posted on 6:14 AM

During the summer of 2009, it was reported that AT&T was blocking 4chan as part of a defense against a side-effect of a DDoS attack against 4chan. In keeping with their constant back and forth campaign regardless of user opinion, Verizon is now blocking 4chan from their users.

It comes as little surprise, as the companies are known for their dueling ad campaigns. Last year alone saw the rise of the "There's A Map For that" commercials wherein Verizon implied that AT&T's 3G network wasn't up to snuff. After a brief lawsuit failed, AT&T came up with several retaliatory ad campaign ideas including "Verizon Is A Big Red Poo-Poo Head", "Verizon Kills Kittens", "Verizon Is Owned By the KKK", and ultimately the most offensive campaign is the one they decided to launch: "Screw It, Let's Just Put Luke Wilson On The Air And Let Him Talk About Verizon."

Verizon then responded with their current slew of Droid commercials. They spent in the area of 100 million dollars to let everyone know they think the iPhone, AT&T's flagship product, is a girly product with a stupid face and an ugly dress and braces. Verizon is reported to have an unaired television spot wherein they drew big, thick glasses and blacked out teeth on the iPhone's high school yearbook photo.

Now, though, they've pulled out all the stops. Verizon, continuing under the misguided belief that "There's no such thing as bad publicity" has decided to block from their internet users. 4chan is of course the purveyor of all things terrible. One of the number one rules of 4chan: what has been seen cannot be unseen. You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. It is also one of the most well-defended sites of citizens of the internet.

The feud is expected to escalate quickly. Likely beginning with lolcat email bombs to Verizon representatives (this is 4chan's equivalent of a warning shot). If Verizon does not address the issue, 4chan is expected to launch a full-scale attack using goatse, tubgirl, lemonparty, and any number of other terrible images sent straight to the families of Verizon executives. (WARNING to the reader: If you do not recognize any of the words in the previous sentence, I strongly advise you, DO NOT Google it. You will regret it. You've been warned.)

Further manuevers may include DDoS attacks on Verizon's homepages, or possibly the launch of their own personal nuclear bombs. Every leading member of anonymous possesses a nuclear warhead to be used in the event that any of them ever cross paths with Tom Cruise.

Naturally, Verizon can spin this a few ways. One possible campaign is "Verizon takes care to protect their internet users from dangerous sites and predators online." Another possible spin on this campaign is "Anything AT&T Can Do, We Can Do Better". Or possibly "Hey, Hey! Look What I'm Doing! Look At Me! I'm Making A Messssss! You Better Start Paying Attention To Me! Come On, Look At Me!"

Of course, as the big boys play their games, the real losers are the users in the trenches. Said one member of the /b/ imageboard:

I think it's really childish of these two to keep this up. These two companies need to grow up and be more mature.

Another user replied saying:

STFU. verizon r teh gay.

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