Microsoft Releases Amazing New Intuitive Interface: Squares

Posted by OCEntertainment | Posted in , , | Posted on 12:43 PM

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Microsoft has recently announced their brand new mobile operating system, Windows Cellular Device Mobile Phone Part 7 Series New Not Windows Mobile. Also known as Windows Phone 7 Series for short. And their new phone has an incredible, amazing, fantastic, wonderful new interface: squares.


Windows Mobile had been behind in the race for a while. Being neither renowned as a great feature phone, nor counted among the very intuitive. But with the new Windows Calling Gadget 7th Edition of Release, Microsoft has shaken up the industry by doing what no other company has dared to do. Make every element in their interface made out of squares with text on them.

The future, ladies and gentlemen, has arrived at last. And it is glorious. Right angles everywhere! Apps? Please! Who cares! This is Web 2.0 baby! All of your information now goes to a square. Facebook? Twitter? There's a square for that! Emails and texts? There's a square for that!

They're called People. Or maybe Text? Anyways. Microsoft wants you to know that they know exactly what you want in a phone. And they're going to give it to you...in squares. (See what I did there? It's like "in spades", but with squares. Because this is all square. Man I love this stuff! Haha!)

In an age where your mobile device is no longer just a portal to information, but is a remote control, breathalyzer, fan, flashlight, and any number of other amazing things, Microsoft has revolutionized the mobile market by making that multitude of operations secondary to placing Facebook and Twitter updates in one square (oh, how I love that word). That way when you go to find a text message your girlfriend sent you, you can look through all of her status updates and tweets as well. And if you want to go to any of the hundreds of other things that your phone can do...well, they'll find a square for that later. And while it's really not terribly clear where that square will be, or even if there will be that much priority given to any functions besides Twitter, Zune, and Xbox at all....you can bet that if there's a function this phone can do, it will definitely be squarely inside a square. (Hahahaha. Did you see that one, too? Oh, man! I am so thrilled.)

It's information-centric! It's square! It's the future of computing, ladies and gentlemen!

And I do mean that quite literally. Despite the fact that there are already people pledging to buy these devices (and who wouldn't buy something with so many squares in it?!), Windows Super Data Calling Social Music Square Phone 7 Series Iteration Part Deux And A Half Squared Times Infinity devices won't go on sale until sometime in the holiday season 2010. So you may as well forget about it for now. Because your square lust will go entirely unfulfilled for a while.

Google Buzz: Totally Revolutionary!!1one

Posted by OCEntertainment | Posted in , , | Posted on 7:51 PM

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Google released their newest service today. Google Buzz. It's purpose is to provide a semi-public, semi-private feed of real-time information from your friends or just people around you. And it is going to change the friggin' world
.

For starters, let's get the obvious comparison out of the way. Google Wave. Obviously, folks will try to measure Buzz against Wave because it is also a service Google came out with. So clearly they are the same. Google Wave offers real-time document collaboration by multiple users. Google Buzz offers real-time feeds of short bits publicly or privately published by multiple users. See? "Real-time", "multiple users"? The similarities are uncanny! But don't worry. Google Buzz still manages to be revolutionary in its own right.

Google Buzz includes a host of other features that Wave doesn't. Like Twitter replies, followers, and micro-blogging! Yep. With Google Buzz you can now satisfy that completely never-ever-before-scratched itch to share your thoughts about whatever to a group of whoever from wherever. It's everything! It's nothing! It's hip! It's awesome!

But it's totally not Facebook. Don't you dare call it that. Shut. Up. Ok? Buzz is not Facebook. Buzz may organize your friends with Google Contacts. Or host your photos with Picasa. Or your videos with YouTube. And you may have status messages. And profiles. But it is not Facebook, ok?! Because, see, Buzz has geo-tagging (in the mobile version). So, if you update your status with a GPS-enabled phone or computer, it can include your location in your Buzz status. Which makes it easier to find you. See, whereas Facebook is for stalking people's social lives by spying on their profiles, researching their friends, and making passive aggressive statuses, Buzz is for spying on people's profiles, researching their friends, making passive aggressive statuses AND actually stalking people! Google Buzz can be creepier than Facebook could ever hope to be! Haha!

So, seriously. Join the Wave Buzz. Start tweeting buzzing. And reconnect with all your friends on Google Buzz.

Currently rolling out to all Gmail users.


Verizon Spat With AT&T Escalates: "We Can Block 4Chan, Too!"

Posted by OCEntertainment | Posted in , , , | Posted on 6:14 AM

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During the summer of 2009, it was reported that AT&T was blocking 4chan as part of a defense against a side-effect of a DDoS attack against 4chan. In keeping with their constant back and forth campaign regardless of user opinion, Verizon is now blocking 4chan from their users.


It comes as little surprise, as the companies are known for their dueling ad campaigns. Last year alone saw the rise of the "There's A Map For that" commercials wherein Verizon implied that AT&T's 3G network wasn't up to snuff. After a brief lawsuit failed, AT&T came up with several retaliatory ad campaign ideas including "Verizon Is A Big Red Poo-Poo Head", "Verizon Kills Kittens", "Verizon Is Owned By the KKK", and ultimately the most offensive campaign is the one they decided to launch: "Screw It, Let's Just Put Luke Wilson On The Air And Let Him Talk About Verizon."

Verizon then responded with their current slew of Droid commercials. They spent in the area of 100 million dollars to let everyone know they think the iPhone, AT&T's flagship product, is a girly product with a stupid face and an ugly dress and braces. Verizon is reported to have an unaired television spot wherein they drew big, thick glasses and blacked out teeth on the iPhone's high school yearbook photo.

Now, though, they've pulled out all the stops. Verizon, continuing under the misguided belief that "There's no such thing as bad publicity" has decided to block 4chan.org from their internet users. 4chan is of course the purveyor of all things terrible. One of the number one rules of 4chan: what has been seen cannot be unseen. You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. It is also one of the most well-defended sites of citizens of the internet.

The feud is expected to escalate quickly. Likely beginning with lolcat email bombs to Verizon representatives (this is 4chan's equivalent of a warning shot). If Verizon does not address the issue, 4chan is expected to launch a full-scale attack using goatse, tubgirl, lemonparty, and any number of other terrible images sent straight to the families of Verizon executives. (WARNING to the reader: If you do not recognize any of the words in the previous sentence, I strongly advise you, DO NOT Google it. You will regret it. You've been warned.)

Further manuevers may include DDoS attacks on Verizon's homepages, or possibly the launch of their own personal nuclear bombs. Every leading member of anonymous possesses a nuclear warhead to be used in the event that any of them ever cross paths with Tom Cruise.

Naturally, Verizon can spin this a few ways. One possible campaign is "Verizon takes care to protect their internet users from dangerous sites and predators online." Another possible spin on this campaign is "Anything AT&T Can Do, We Can Do Better". Or possibly "Hey, Hey! Look What I'm Doing! Look At Me! I'm Making A Messssss! You Better Start Paying Attention To Me! Come On, Look At Me!"

Of course, as the big boys play their games, the real losers are the users in the trenches. Said one member of the /b/ imageboard:

I think it's really childish of these two to keep this up. These two companies need to grow up and be more mature.

Another user replied saying:

STFU. verizon r teh gay.

Tips For Socially Awkward Geeks (According to Stanford)

Posted by OCEntertainment | Posted in , , | Posted on 9:08 AM

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Or perhaps more accurately, according to a certain student at Stanford. Wait, shoot! I broke the rules!

Philip Guo has a write-up of rules for the successful social interaction of geeks. Really helpful tips like "Don't be yourself", "Don't get comfortable" and "Temporarily let go of the urge to achieve absolute precision in speaking". In case you were wondering, no. There is not a footnote acknowledging the irony in that last one.


If you're interested in geeky social tips, though, chances are you have some hardware to fix or maybe a Settlers of Catan game to play. So let me sum up:

1.) Recognize that people will know you are a geek from the moment they meet you. -- Translation: they are judging you. This is your fault.

2.) Don't try to change people's preconceived notions of geeks -- When MLK said that all races should live together in harmony, he only meant the pretty ones. You are not equal.

3.) Don't get too comfortable and start being yourself -- If you begin to feel like maybe you can handle socialization and that the people around you actually like you, this is a surefire sign you're about to make an idiot of yourself.

4.) Try to talk as little as possible, and when you do speak, only ask superficial questions -- Shut up, nerd.

5.) But don't ask questions about things normal people should know -- Gosh, yes. House, Private Practice, and Grey's Anatomy are all different shows. And of course this isn't silly or superfluous. What is wrong with you? Idiot.

6.) Temporarily let go of the urge to achieve absolute precision in speaking -- Do as I say, not as I do.

7.) Don't correct anyone even when they're incorrect or imprecise -- That guy outside with a dead car battery who's about to electrocute himself with the jumper cables? If you want him to like you, let him find out the hard way.

8.) Don't use words that an 8th grader doesn't understand -- People are stupid. If you are the exception to this rule, you are not allowed to have friends.

9.) If somebody asks you about your job or hobbies, answer in one sentence -- Nobody cares.

10.) If everyone around is enjoying the ambient music, background live performance, etc., don't jump in with any analysis -- Seriously. Are you still talking?

11.) Never start a sentence with "Did you know that..." -- Ok, even I'm with the crowd on this one. I've rarely ever had a time where, when no one's talking, the phrase "Did you know..." was followed with something that improved the silence.

12.) Never start a sentence with "You should really..." -- Your expertise and knowledge are useless to the obstinate. No helping allowed.

So there you go, geeks. If you want to successful integrate yourself into society all you have to do is be completely different. Because all that crap about "just be who you are and be confident in who you are and don't worry about the critics" you heard growing up? Yeah. Total bull.

Chewbacca Loves Tuna When C3PO Serves It

Posted by jc | Posted in | Posted on 4:15 PM

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Further augmenting my love/hate relationship with George Lucas, Chewbacca and Co. sells out to Hagaromo Canned Sea Chicken. At least they do it with style.



[Metafilter]

met2art has warped into this sector...

Posted by met2art | Posted in , , , , , | Posted on 10:14 AM

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I've arrived! I'm now a snooty, high-falutin' editor for an edgy tech blog!


My devious plans include a weekly write-up of Android apps and (half-assed) reviews. Android news tends to get the shaft unless its about an impending rumored handset or a major OS update. I think people could stand a little bit of app information from time to time. Any thoughts on this?

I'll also be lending my skills at Photoshoppery and general artfulness whenever possible. Given my proclivities toward art, photography, and gadgets, expect a tasty melange of art-tech articles here and there. I'm open to suggestions, ideas and submissions. I'll do my best to keep in touch with the people who reply and comment as well.

-mt

Passive Aggressive Marketing Mother Drops Hints To Her Clueless Son

Posted by OCEntertainment | Posted in , , , | Posted on 10:08 AM

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There's apparently some rocky roads in the lives of one Verizon marketing director and her son. With Mother's Day fast approaching (only 93 more days, kids!), Verizon Wireless's chief of mobile handset marketing has started using her power to drop hints to her son about what she'd like to receive.

Previously known for her touching Droid commercials which resonated so deeply with males age 18-35 (being such a totally hip mom, she knows what the kids like), the head madam has released two new passive aggressive commercials for the Palm Pre Plus (try saying that three times fast).



The first, entitled "Sticky Notes" is a subtle pass at the all the director has done for her dear boy. She took him to piano lessons across town every week for 5 years (until he gave it up because he wouldn't apply himself) to the pot roasts she made every night (which he never finished and she had to throw most of it out). The "girls' night out" was, of course, a fantasy as she was never allowed any time to herself. But she was always happy to give her time to her children. Because that's what family does, isn't it? Give to each other.

At least, that's what a good family should do. Some people just don't know how to be a good family member, I guess.

The second of the two spots of course highlighted her son's previous attempt at Mother's Day gifts.


Chocolates are, of course, a very thoughtful gift. And don't get her wrong, it's not that she doesn't appreciate them. It's simply...well, her son is fairly well off now. He has a good career, a nice apartment. And you know, he always seems to have some extra spare cash to spend on his coworkers, or to buy some new add on for his car. Is it really too much to ask for him to spend a little on his dear, sweet mother? I mean, it's not like he doesn't have enough time to save up some spare change between now and Mother's Day.

Also, son, when you get it, please program your number in so she can get a hold of you. Since you never call.

10 Minutes of Star Trek Dick Jokes

Posted by jc | Posted in | Posted on 10:32 PM

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Going where no one has gone before....

[Metafilter]

Your Verizon MiFi is Awesome [for me to poop on]

Posted by jc | Posted in , | Posted on 9:41 PM

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I have a new hero. And if you are a Verizon MiFi customer, pay attention. Your equipment may be a security risk.

Security consultant and accomplished hacker Joshua Wright successfully pwned the Verizon MiFi device, and shows you how to do it in full glory. The ramifications for customers? Among the usual security issues about network access, sensitive data, etc., is this gem:
Verizon limits users to 5 GB data transfer a month over EV-DO account; exceeding this watermark racks up significant fees for the end-user. A neer-do-well could compromise a MiFi device and leverage it for their download purposes, potentially avoiding racking up their own Internet use charges, or just to cause trouble for the victim.
So there you have it. You can get beaned for ridiculous data charges if the hacker hates you. Or, if you are so inclined and the threat of jail time is not a concern, you may fuck over your Verizon-inflicted neighbor.



Bonus Verizon mockery!

Will Hack for SUSHI

It's Time to Get Started

Posted by jc | Posted in , , | Posted on 3:05 PM

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OK, fellow geeks. It's time to get this blog started. Who are we? What do we do? What is this all about? It's time to decide.

This is initially envisaged as a tech humor blog, created by some gratuitous Gizmodo commenters looking for sweet mocking action. Some people take this shit way too seriously. They need help.

So you, dear visitor, have a say in what this will become. Please put your two cents in the comments. If you are skilled at writing, you have a shot as an editor. To lock up that gig, you need to be damn funny, fearless, sarcastic, and good in bed.

To get the ball rolling - we will be about tech. Parody, failure and shit. We will lambaste magnates, slap around fanboys, and point out the lameness of their gadgets with incredulous spite. All posts will drip with equal opportunity sarcasm.

That being the foundation, we have a few more things to discuss. Will we repeat news? I hope not, original content is better. But occasionally something newsworthy begs for humiliation. Will we post pictures of wank-worthy chicks? Please say yes. But if that causes problems at work, say so.

The bigger question: Will you write for AD, or will you comment? The conversation begins now.

Welcome.

Posted by jc | Posted in | Posted on 11:36 AM

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We need a header, bitches.

EDIT: No we don't. This will do just fine.